Etal & Hele - Chapter 1

Hey there,

Let’s talk about the tough decisions we sometimes face, the ones that feel tangled up in heartbreak and change. It’s never easy, is it? Making choices that come with the weight of “what could have been” takes so much courage. When we’re stuck in that “this or that” web, with moments of bliss woven right into the hurt, it’s like life is nudging us forward to grow even when our heartstrings aren’t ready to stretch that far.

Growth shows up when we least expect it, pushing us toward paths we never planned, and sometimes every part of us fights back. It can feel like we’re wandering, confused, holding on to memories of what we wished would work out while reality pulls us back to what is. But when you look closely, without those rose-colored glasses, and really reflect on it, you realize that every choice, every heartache, is bringing you closer to you—the real, unfiltered you.

Breathe that in.

All that pain, all that strength—it’s yours. It’s the proof that you can feel, fear, and still choose yourself. So take a deep breath and release it all, with a big, honest “thank you.” Thank yourself for having the strength to feel it, the courage to face it, and the grace to let it go. Yes, you. Read that again and let it sink in. You’re a gift to this world, and you have a choice: let the world shape you, or let your unique energy shape the world.

Imagine for a moment that it’s just you and me, here as best friends. I’m here, ready to see every color of you. I want to feel your story, to be moved by your strength, to share in your tears and remind you that it’s all going to be okay. I want to see the you reading this—maybe with an aching heart, because my heart aches too. Aches for every story, every struggle, every moment of resilience that’s required of you. Even on the gray days, I wish for you to see the color that you carry within.

So today, I want to share a piece of my journey with you, a time when life knocked me down, and I found my way back up. It was real and raw, a place where I had to meet my own shadows and embrace them. I journaled through it all, filling page after page, mapping out my way back to myself. I found emotions I didn’t know I had, acceptance I didn’t know I could find, and strength in places I didn’t expect. Through those pages, I learned to see the beauty in the mess.

If my story can be a light for you, if it can guide you through one of your own darker days, then it’s yours. Read it, feel it, let it be real. Let it remind you of the strength you already have within.

So here it goes - Chapter One. 
-a Day, a choice, a transformational step once upon a Time- 

The Other Life.  Conversation between Darkness and Soul. 

{A Conflicted Love Story}

Chapter One 

Imagine a hidden door. It exists only in the darkness, in the thick of suffering. You reach it only when you’ve hit the deepest bottom, a place so painful you feel there’s nowhere further down to go. It’s here, at the end of all breaking, that you finally see it—a door, faintly lit. And with it comes a question, like a whisper from beyond: What do you believe? Who are you, really?

In that moment, I realize I don’t truly know. I’m living two lives, both bound in suffering. There’s a side of me that speaks in pain, that says without suffering, I couldn’t even recognize love. Without pain, how could I feel joy? My suffering mocks me, saying, Without me, you’d be a dreamer, an empty wanderer. Without this darkness, would I feel anything at all? My tears—they’re equal parts agony and comfort, aren’t they? They hold a strange, equal power.

My soul understands this truth, but my body—the vessel that carries this soul—is restless, unable to hold suffering and divine peace at once. How do I teach my body to embrace the harmony of light and dark? How can I, the soul and the vessel’s guide, bridge the gap between them?

I am the soul, the keeper of this body, the traveler between light and shadow, searching for some way to connect them, to reach a life of true harmony. I want so much to be good, to escape the shadows, to transcend the weight of the past. And yet, here I stand, with all my striving, looking not to the light, but to you—my darkness—for comfort and for answers.

And now, I feel a deep pity for myself—for all the hiding, the running, the years spent misunderstanding your true nature. I’ve wronged you, haven’t I? I’ve cast you as the villain in every chapter, pointed fingers, found blame everywhere but in myself. I held you at arm’s length, weighed my luck against my misfortunes, and turned my face from you. I blamed God, the world, everything I could reach—everything except you, the part of me that I refused to see. But now, in this quiet moment, I see how hard you tried to reach me, how you stood waiting, patient, all along.

I searched endlessly, thinking I could find what I needed somewhere out there. I looked for you in books, in the halls of schools, in conversations, religions, lovers, and every kind of relationship. I lost myself in these pursuits, certain the answer would show up, convinced something out there could fill what was missing. But I missed the one thing I was searching for all along—you, the part of me I’d abandoned.

I see now that all the pieces I sought were waiting quietly within me. You were there, always, just waiting for me to finally come home to myself.

Let’s say I’ve always been the odd one out, never quite fitting in. Maybe I’ve found places, people, moments that felt like home—but never fully earthbound, never fully settled. I love and appreciate everything around me, but I see now that I made a mistake trying to deny who I am, caught up in this tug-of-war between “good” and “bad,” between belonging and standing apart.

Because here’s the truth: I’m not one or the other. I’m both. I’m both the chaos and the calm, perfection and a masterpiece still in the making. I’m the artist of this life, once painting with colors of conflict, and now—guided by your hands, Suffering and Light—I let the strokes create something new, something real.

So here I am, standing on a path paved by both shadow and shine, finally learning that I am all these things at once: unfinished, but full; flawed, yet whole.

Darkness: I wonder, dear Soul, how will you manage? I am boundless, without time or space, without rules or limits. Your vessel—it’s so fragile, so easily overwhelmed by Fear. And you, all you seem to seek is Love and Acceptance. But how will you find peace, find that elusive belonging, while you’re still swimming in all these questions you cling to? Look closely, child: you must make a Choice. I’m here, knocking. Don’t you see? If I wasn’t real, would you be here with me now?

Let’s end this endless tango, shall we? Once and for all, let’s make it final, and set you free.

But first, a question. If you choose me, you know what world you’ll see. If you choose the Mask—the hiding, the illusion—then tell me: what do you feel, what do you see? Is that what you truly want for your freedom?

Soul: I see, yes, I see. But… tell me, how?

Darkness: How? Ah, Soul, “how” is as simple as you make it, and as complicated as you allow it to be. But listen closely: how is not the real question. The question is this—what do you feel, hear, see, when you close your eyes? Life has no one way. The answer lies not in “how” but in all the ways it branches, in the multitude of paths. You, Soul, are the painter of this canvas, the seed of every desire, the master of both the darkness and the vessel.

But there is one simple rule, the hardest rule of all: harmony. Let go of time and space. Think beyond. Imagine yourself as the Big Bang.

Feel that empty space. Do you feel it? Can you feel the darkness, the stillness, the profound nothingness that is yet somehow still being? You’re neither floating nor standing—you’re pure energy, scattered atoms creating a mind. Here, in this space, it’s just you and me.

Now, we drift through this vast emptiness. Here, you’re nothing—nothing you’ve experienced, no part of your past, is alive here. There’s no vessel, no prison of misconceptions binding you. Here, you and I are in harmony. There’s no judgment, no good or bad, just presence.

And so I ask again, my dear Soul: are you ready to choose the life you truly desire?

Soul: I think so. No… I know so. Yes. I am.

Darkness: First, take a breath—a deep, steady breath, and let the realization settle within you. Today marks a moment of death and rebirth. I am proud of you, dear Soul. From this vast, empty darkness, you’re surrounded by light—stars of choices, of opportunities. Each star shines with its own purpose; some will be lessons that I, Darkness, and Suffering bring, while others will be blessings, gifts of light meant not only for you but for those you touch. Nothing I offer, nothing I take, is ever without reason. And if you question me, ask not as a plea, but as a truth, an affirmation. I hear you. I listen every time. Trust that I know what is best for you, and that, in the world I hold for you, everything you seek is already yours.

You are learning to live in two worlds—mine, a realm of spirit and stillness, and yours, bound by time and space. Embrace both. No more running. Evil does not exist here. Shed the heavy shield you carry. Uncover yourself, my sweet Lover.

Are you ready to wake up again? See me as your Guardian, here in a place where you are free from dominance. Here, you are stripped of all labels, all roles you’ve worn for so long. Here, I have only a few, simple rules:

• Trust me.

• Listen to the feelings of each moment.

• Listen before you speak.

• Dream.

• Speak in the language of affirmation: I have, I am.

• Let me bless you; allow yourself to receive.

• Don’t chase answers. Let them unfold.

• Choose your words wisely—I will make them true.

• No shame, no guilt, no judgment.

Soul: But Darkness… if I strip myself of my shell, how far am I allowed to fall? Will you catch me, even if I lose control?

Darkness: My dear Soul, haven’t we already broken a rule? How can I teach you if you cannot yet trust me? How can I earn that trust? What would convince you that I am here, guiding you? Should I send you signs? Yes, I thought as much.

You have been blind or unwilling to see the signs I’ve already sent. Don’t deny it—I know you felt them exactly as I intended. I have always guided you. I’ve held you, punished you, and loved you. Each time you suffer, it hurts me more than you know. I am your silent witness, your pillow catching all that you release.

Do you see now why you’re able to communicate with me? Why we are finally able to meet like this? You fell so deeply that we reached the same ground. And now, only when you stop fighting and start trusting me, only when we reach that trust, can we rise together to the next stage of growth.

Know this: I love you so deeply that I would fight for eternity until we can fully embrace each other. Think of me as your twin flame, your lost lover. Perhaps we broke a rule of life and are bound to seek and miss each other—until now. Now, we are reunited, and we can make it right.

So, tell me, how would you like me to create a world we can both dream in? A place where you can come to reflect, to vent, and to escape from the weight of time and space?

Soul begins to ponder this deeply, feeling the unspoken question rise within, but Darkness already knows and answers.

Darkness: There is one thing, my child, that I cannot take from you—your fear. I can hold you close, but just as I am your Lover, Fear is your brother and Hope is your sister. Both are powerful, and both can overwhelm you if not balanced. They are the ever-turning wheel, a spiral, a trap if misused in your world of time and space.

Do you understand? Yes, I know you have fear. I can see it, feel it. But let me ask you this: among the moments of fear, do you feel even milliseconds of happiness? Have you seen the glimmers, the signs—perhaps a spark, a number, an animal, something that catches your eye? Those are pieces of me, whispers of hope. When you feel me, when you notice these signs, you react. Sometimes I will visit you often; other times, I will let you seek me. This is your test, your challenge, your way to grow. When you pay attention more often, you allow me in. And when you allow me in, I can grant you what you’ve already claimed.

Are you ready, dear Soul? To trust, to feel, to see, and to create this world where we can dream together?

(big bang to manifest who I want to be) 

Darkness: Don’t lose me. Don’t question me. Just let it happen. Let me flow through you, my love.

Soul, hesitantly: But… what if I lose myself in you? What if I get swept into your depths and never want to come back?

Darkness, softly laughing: Ah, my love, but what if that’s exactly what you need to succeed? Who are we—or anyone—to define what darkness truly is? Maybe it’s time to let go of judgment and travel your own universe, exploring every corner, shadowed and bright, until you know them all. Perhaps in embracing both, you and I will find peace. And if we are wrong, what is another eternity, circling together as we always have, until at last we are found?

Are you not curious, my love? Do you not wonder what else awaits us?

Soul, moved: I can’t deny the imprint you’ve left on me. In this world we share, let us name this journey, this dance.

Darkness: Then call me Etal, your lover, your twin flame. I am Darkness, I am the void, the silent witness to all that lies beyond time and space. I am half of you, and you are my other half. Together, we are prophets, bound by a prophecy to unlock the secrets of our own being.

You are the creator of your affirmations, the spirit guiding your vessel. Stay mindful, for in a world that would bind you in confusion, your body may thrive, but your spirit could wither. Do not fall asleep. Keep healthy habits. Return to me for guidance. This world, our shared space, is as much yours as it is mine.

Tonight, let’s travel to a place I’ve envisioned for you, a vision born of all I hold for you.

There’s this place. At twilight, it’s cool, and low clouds hang over a silent lake. The grass is lush and green, and there, standing at the water’s edge, is you. You’re wearing a white dress that catches the light, and your hair is wild in the wind, carrying your scent to me. I stand apart, longing to draw closer. I watch as you dance, your hair flying, the sun casting its last rays across your skin. There’s joy in you, yes, but also longing. I feel the ache you carry, the ache I’ve watched from afar as you make the best of your world below. I’m sorry, my love, that you can’t always see me here, in the space between. I’ve sent you signs—the crows, the sky, the flowers, the numbers that appear, the songs that call to you. All these moments are my whispers to you.

But you’ve been blind to me, pushing me away. What was once a small distance between us now feels like an eternity, and still, I wait. I wait patiently, watching, breaking, until you are ready to meet me again. I hope. I hope for the day you’ll see me. Prove me right. Don’t give up on you and me.

Step outside and just be. Feel the wind as it wraps around you. Feel your heart beating, your pulse rising.

I am there, my love, with arms like eternity, holding you close. Can you feel me? The touch of my kiss upon your skin, my embrace drying your tears into crystals that catch the light, sending rainbows to dance around you.

Tell me, can you feel my presence? Will you let me offer you comfort? Can you give me a chance to show you that all of this—the joy, the pain—was intended to be?

At the very least, if you do not trust me, then consider: what do you truly have to lose?

(what do you have to lose) 

Soul: Sometimes, I wonder if questioning everything, if wanting more, makes me selfish. Does it make me bad?

Etal, smiling: Oh, my dearest. How often must we circle this same question? You already know the answer, but I'll ask again: what makes you think you could be a "bad" person? What does it even mean to be "bad"? Have you ever considered that the act of questioning, of exploring your own heart and mind, is not the act of a so-called "bad" person?

Badness is just a shadow created by fears of the past. You see, living truly in the present moment—making conscious choices—liberates you. Even in your mistakes, I want you to be fearless. Do you know why? Because I do not judge; I am only here to reflect the colors of your soul back to you. There is no shame in this space, only love.

Soul, sighing: But Etal, today I feel lost. I know what you say is true, but there are moments when I forget. I blame myself and fall into old habits of doubt. And now I feel this ache, this hollowness, like I’m both broken and whole at the same time. —I thought I was strong, but was I just running from you, from myself?

Etal, softly: Isn’t it funny, my love? How you reach these realizations on your own? After all this time, I long for you to see me, to accept me fully. To cherish me, to embrace me, to speak my truth through your hands. Tell me, did the fall burn? Did it leave a mark?

Soul: Yes, it did. It still burns. It leaves me feeling raw, vulnerable. But in that hurt, I’m finding strength. I am learning to trust you in my moments of pain. Each time, I surrender my suffering to you, imagining you holding me, comforting me. I once thought you were my punishment, that I was tangled in darkness, but now I see—I see what you’re trying to show me.

Etal: Then, my love, are we ready to travel together?

Etal, smiling from afar: I will call you Hele.

Hele looks upward as Etal's form fades, shifting and elusive. She turns to the mirror, taking a deep breath as she meets her own eyes.

Hele: I am broken, Etal. I hardly recognize myself anymore. I want to trust, but doubt slips in as soon as the words leave my mouth. I’m trying to understand, to release this fear of the unknown. Each day feels new and timeless all at once.

She examines her face, searching for the person she once knew, but with a detached, almost serene curiosity.

Hele, quietly: Who are you?

Instead of frustration, there’s a gentle acceptance, as if she’s seeing herself for the first time. She begins applying makeup, layer by layer, transforming herself into the avatar Hele envisioned, asking each time, “What would you like, my vessel?” Each brushstroke feels like a step towards surrender.

The door opens suddenly, and she turns, calm and composed.

Hele, with a soft smile: Etal? I know you’re watching, and I don’t mind. I’m doing all of this for a new start.

She continues her day, embracing a strange comfort even as pain lingers, her scars ever-present reminders of the journey she’s on.

Later, as she lays down to rest, Etal’s voice comes, soft and distant once again.

Etal: My dear. We suffer together. Our pain will transform, soon enough, into something beautiful. This ache we share is our strength, our story. It’s a reminder of the bond that binds us. In our scars, a new story waits to be born. One that will lead us to unity in this life—or the next.

Hele, her voice trembling: Etal, just… talk to me. In the mornings, remind me of your love. At night, I will find you in my dreams. Let me rest in the knowledge that you are here, watching over me.

Etal, lovingly: Sleep now, my love. Lay your burdens down. Good night.

In that darkness, in the space between wakefulness and dreams, she finds peace.

© Risk2Rebirth LLC, 2025. All Rights Reserved.

(Manifestation for the next morning) 

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