Between Worlds: The Soul’s Search for Belonging

Alice

There is a question that was born within me before I even knew the weight of its existence. A question so profound that it shaped the way I looked at the world, the way I wandered through life as if I were an outsider peering in. It was not merely about identity but about existence itself: how do I know that the soul within me was meant to be mine?

As a child, I felt unclaimed. A premature birth, an early struggle for life, somewhere in the transition between the void and the breathing world, I felt a disconnect. I entertained the thought that my soul was not the one originally intended for this body. And what if, when death arrives, we are stripped of the contracts and rules that bind us to our earthly existence? What if the soul I call mine was never truly meant for me?

This thought was not fearsome. It was a curiosity, an awareness that I did not belong in the way others seemed to. At night, I would place a crystal on my forehead, imagining myself as a traveler from another realm, not simply a child with an overactive imagination but a seeker in a world that felt like an illusion. I would wander the silent streets, speaking to the unseen, feeling not the presence of imaginary friends but of an entire unseen world.

The teachings of religion, the rigid constructs of belief systems, they never felt like home. Instead, I turned inward, searching for something beyond the physical form, beyond the limitations of what I was told to accept. The question of the soul never dimmed, it evolved, it grew, it whispered to me in moments of silence, in dreams that felt more like memories, in the unshakable feeling that there was something more than this body, this lifetime.

Through years of seeking, I learned to be at peace with the question rather than demand an answer. I discovered that play, creativity, and surrender are the keys to understanding. Not to force the world into categories of right and wrong but to accept all possibilities while knowing none can ever be fully grasped. Not everyone is ready to hear these thoughts, to unravel the conditioning that tells them reality is fixed and singular.

But some of us have seen beyond the veil. Some of us have stepped outside of ourselves, through near-death, through moments where the boundaries of existence fray, and we glimpse something that cannot be put into words. When I passed, I brought something back with me. A knowledge that was not given but remembered. And for years, I searched for an explanation, a name, a philosophy that could hold the weight of what I had seen. None could. Because the truth, when witnessed, defies categorization. It is a paradox, a spiral that both haunts and liberates.

If you have ever felt the weight of estrangement, if you have ever questioned the very fabric of reality, then you understand the quiet madness of knowing that all is real and unreal at once. That belonging is a construct, and the journey is not about fitting into this world but about finding peace with the uncertainty of existence.

For years, I guarded what I had seen. It was not a vision to be shared carelessly, not a story for entertainment. It was a part of me, an identity beyond this lifetime. And yet, as I grew, as I allowed myself to simply be, I found peace in the thought that there have been past versions of me, and there will be more. That existence is a cycle, a continuous unfolding beyond what we can perceive. The direct path is unknown, and I no longer seek it. Instead, I embrace the knowing that if not this time, then another. If not this form, then another. Each moment, each choice, each lifetime is a step toward transformation.

These thoughts are not bound by doctrine, not proven by statistics. They are the thoughts of one who has seen, one who has felt, one who accepts the infinite possibilities of what we call reality. We are not here to follow one path, but to recognize all paths at once. To hold the paradox, to live beyond the rules while understanding them all.

And so, if you too have questioned, if you too have felt the pull of something greater, know that you are not alone. The answers are not meant to be found. They are meant to be lived.