Today’s Yellow Flag: “I’m Just the Nice, Supportive Friend… But Am I?”
- Vie
- Jul 21
- 3 min read
We all like to believe that kindness is a strength. That being the one others can count on is a badge of honor. That showing up, listening, giving, holding space, sending that long voice note, offering advice, or offering help, even when we’re tired, is what makes us good people.
But what if today’s yellow flag isn’t about how we treat others…It’s about how we silently treat ourselves in the process.
We Don’t Want to Admit:
Sometimes, “being the supportive friend” becomes the perfect disguise for self-abandonment.
We tell ourselves, “They need me.” We say, “It’s not that big of a deal, I’m fine.” We keep showing up for others, even as our own emotional bank account hits overdraft.
It starts small. A favor here. A late-night call there. An emergency venting session right when you finally had a moment to yourself. And suddenly, giving becomes automatic, not conscious. You’ve become the emotional first responder for everyone but you.
And what happens when you do this long enough? You don’t just feel tired. You feel invisible. You don’t just burn out. You disappear into your giving.
The Pattern? Attracting Those Who Take
If we’re not careful, the world will happily hand us more people who love the light we shine because they don’t know how to create their own.
Kindness becomes currency. Presence becomes performance. You start to believe that your worth is measured by how much you give, how much you fix, how much you hold.
And the takers? They never tell you to rest. They don’t say, “Hey, have you eaten today?” They don’t ask, “How are you really?”
Because your role in their life is convenience, not connection.
And when this becomes your norm, not the exception, that is today’s Yellow Flag.
The Self-Check: Are You Slowly Dying Inside?
Ask yourself:
When was the last time someone asked you how you were doing, and you felt safe to answer honestly?
Do you feel energized after conversations, or slightly emptier?
Have you confused being needed with being valued?
Are you giving because you truly want to, or because you fear who you’d be if you stopped?
We rarely pause to ask: Who supports the supporter?
Because in a world that praises self-sacrifice, choosing yourself can feel like betrayal. But it’s actually the beginning of a healthier love story, with you.
The Power of STOP:
When we say STOP, lovingly, firmly, consciously, we’re not pushing people away.
We’re saying:
I matter, too.
I can be kind and need space.
I am not your emotional sponge.
I deserve relationships that pour back into me.
The healthiest friendships aren’t built on guilt or obligation. They’re built on mutual nourishment. Real support is reciprocal, not one-sided.
And those who value you, truly value you, will honor your boundary like it’s their own.
Say It Loud
“NOT TODAY.”
Say it when you feel the urge to jump in and fix someone else’s chaos at your own expense. Say it when someone calls you strong just so they can stay weak. Say it when your body says no but your guilt says yes.
Let “Not Today” be your reminder that you don’t have to bleed to prove you're caring. You don’t have to disappear to be loved.
You’re allowed to be the supportive friend, but only after you've supported yourself.
Yellow Flag of the Day: Being the “nice friend” at the cost of your own emotional well-being isn’t kindness. It’s quiet self-erasure.Catch it. Name it. And next time, when the pattern tries to sneak in again…NOT TODAY.
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